Sophia Bush On Being Queer, Relationship With Ashlyn Harris

10 days ago

BuzzFeed

Sophia Bush is no stranger to having her love life be a hot topic on the internet. But this time, she's taking matters into her own hands and writing everything down in her own words.

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"In April of 2022, I was close to calling off my wedding. Instead of running away, I doubled down on being a model wife. In 2023, my now ex-husband posted a lovely tribute to our first anniversary on Instagram. When I saw it, I felt the blood drain from my face," Sophia began.

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"I felt mounting pressure from strangers online waiting for me to post something — what a strange part of public life to have to navigate — so I sat myself down and chose a picture," Sophia wrote, detailing how she felt pressure to post something for their one-year anniversary. She added, "I hit post. And then I walked into the bathroom and threw up."

She continued, saying how she was consistently telling herself, "Relationships are hard. Marriage takes compromise," and then she found herself "in the depths and heartbreak of the fertility process," which she calls "the most clarifying experience of [her] life."

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In the summer of 2023, Sophia said she returned to her home in LA after spending time in London doing a play, prepared to file for divorce, and found a group of women in her life that became an important support system for her.

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"For those of us who had no solution in sight or Hail Marys left, having this community changed everything. We really wrapped one another up in support. It was tragic and hard. But it was also beautiful," she wrote.

One of whom was former US soccer player Ashlyn Harris. Sophia tells Glamour, "I didn’t expect to find love in this support system. I don’t know how else to say it other than: I didn't see it until I saw it."

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"People looking in from the outside weren't privy to just how much time it took, how many painful conversations were had," Sophia said while detailing how her friendship with Ashlyn turned into something more. "A lot of effort was made to be graceful with other people's processing, their time and obligations, and their feelings."

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She continued, saying, "What felt like seconds after I started to see what was in front of me, the online rumor mill began to spit in the ugliest ways. There were blatant lies. Violent threats. There were accusations of being a home-wrecker."

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Sophia writes that Ashlyn was "in the process of figuring out her own split from her wife." Ashlyn's divorce from her wife and former US soccer player Ali Krieger became public in late 2023, with cheating rumors swirling as Sophia and Ashlyn were spotted out together, too.

In an interview with SELF magazine, Ali said she found out Ashlyn had filed for divorce while she was at soccer practice, saying, "I found out at training. I was on the field. And I came off the field, in the locker room, and I was obviously devastated."

"Falling in love with her has sutured some of my own childhood wounds and made me so much closer to my own mother. Seeing Ashlyn choose to not simply survive but thrive for her babies has been the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed a friend do. And now I get to love her. How lucky am I?" Sophia wrote.

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Sophia, who has been a fierce ally for the LGBTQ+ community for years, says she "sort of [hates] the notion of having to come out in 2024," but she recognizes how important it is to stand with the community "in a year when we're seeing the most aggressive attacks on the LGBTQIA+ community in modern history."

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"I've experienced so much safety, respect, and love in the queer community, as an ally all of my life, that, as I came into myself, I already felt it was my home," she added.

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"I think I've always known that my sexuality exists on a spectrum. Right now, I think the word that best defines it is queer. I can't say it without smiling, actually. And that feels pretty great."

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Concluding her essay, Sophia said how freeing it feels to be her most authentic self right now. She wrote, "I am so lucky to be here, now. I have real joy. It took me 41 years to get here."

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She continued, saying, "I finally feel like I can breathe. I don't think I can explain how profound that is. I feel like I was wearing a weighted vest for who knows how long. I hadn't realized how heavy it was until I finally just put it down."

"I turned 41 last summer, amid all of this, and I heard the words I was saying to my best friend as they came out of my mouth. 'I feel like this is my first birthday,' I told her. This year was my very first birthday." ❤️

Sophia Bush - Figure 10 — Photo BuzzFeed

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You can read Sophia's full cover story with Glamour here.

Sophia Bush - Figure 11 — Photo BuzzFeed