Draymond Green Is a Terrible MMA Fighter

We already knew Draymond Green could throw hands, as evidenced by his sucker punch of Jordan Poole in practice back in 2022. It was a clean first-round knockout that put Poole not only on the dream flow, but ultimately on a plane bound for Washington, D.C. Draymond’s stand-up game has been well documented and noted by anybody in the NBA who has watched the tape.

Rudy Gobert might’ve watched that tape. Then again, he might not’ve. All we know is that two minutes into Golden State’s in-season tournament game against the Minnesota Timberwolves on Tuesday, things got incredibly heated before the first basket could even be scored. A jersey-ripping fracas involving Klay Thompson and Jaden McDaniels broke out, and Draymond’s eyes got as big as saucers.

Why?

Oh, come on! It’s like a twig holding a jumbo marshmallow over a campfire, that neck of Gobert’s. He’s got a country mile of squeezable neck. He leads the league in neck! Jujitsu white belts around the world see a neck like that the way cats see nip. It’s irresistible. He is the Merton Hanks of the NBA, a 7-foot-1 player with taunting giraffe-like qualities that, understandably, Draymond simply couldn’t resist.

Plus, we’ve all seen that look in Draymond’s eyes before. In fact, he flashed it just a few days ago. You knew something was coming because he’s always been an act first, think later kind of guy. He freaking went for it. He saw his moment and snatched that neck. After 12 seasons of playing in the NBA, Mr. Combustible went full MMA. He dragged Gobert away from the danger zone like he was restraining a streaker who’d run across the court. Draymond wanted to show that he isn’t just a striker. That there are levels to his menace. That he is, in fact, a well-rounded fighter, and equally dangerous anywhere a fight could go.

Not that Draymond’s form was perfect, even if there was a lot of human traffic around him. In fact, we have a lot concern about his form. If we’re being honest, he was downright sloppy. It turns out Draymond’s choke hold is as ugly as his jumper. Klay and Jaden had just finished twirling each other around when Gobert grabbed Klay, attempting to play peacemaker, his neck taut and temptingly extended to the heavens. That was all Draymond needed. A split second later, he was on it. A right hand slipped under the chin like he wanted to pop Gobert’s head off his shoulders. He was treating poor Rudy like a bottle of champagne. Rudy’s beard capsized in real time as Draymond brought him in tight.

Rudy was making the face a carp makes when it’s caught out of the water. His mouth was sucking for air, and he was oscillating between states of panic and victimhood.

When you watch it back, maybe Rudy hadn’t prepared for the submission attempts. Maybe he had trained in nothing but striking, not wanting to meet the same fate as Poole. After all, Rudy has trained in MMA before. Whatever it was, he was ill prepared to defend himself against Draymond’s modified standing rear-naked choke. Or realistically, even a headlock. Rather than use his hands to pry apart the grip and keep his windpipes open, he threw his limbs up in what might’ve been a cry for help, a plea to the referees. To his credit, he didn’t tap. As great fighters often do, he showed that he was at least willing to go out on his shield.

Not that it was a tight choke, either. It wasn’t. As Gobert’s frame was being dragged across the court, you could see the daylight between Draymond’s arm and Rudy’s neck. That shit wasn’t tight at all. Maybe it was because Karl-Anthony Towns arrived like a 7-foot Herb Dean just in time to try to loosen Draymond’s grip, or because Anthony Edwards got there on the back end to tug away Draymond’s left arm. Whatever the case, the execution was off, even to the untrained eye.

Had Draymond cinched the choke and held it against a long neck like that, he could have had Rudy tapping. Better yet, to fend off the interlopers who came to Gobert’s rescue, Draymond could have jumped on Gobert’s back in a piggyback position, secured a standing body triangle to pin the flailing arm with the nook of his knee, and finished the fight that way. Just like Charles Oliveira did against Will Brooks and Efrain Escudero. It’s the difference between a white belt and a black belt, I guess.

Until they meet again, Draymond will have to live with the results (as well as the lengthy suspension likely coming his way). Rudy escaped this time because Draymond let him off the hook. The NBA is unlikely to do the same for Green. One thing’s for sure. The Warriors and Wolves play again in March, and—now that there’s good heat—the rematch will be even bigger than the original.